To be or not to be

It's complicated...
Struggle until you find the solution..
At one time, you smile because everything "looks" fine
then again when you start to implement it...
something starts to ruin your life...
Hectic....
emotional....
Tired....

But one thing I learnt, to be or not to be
It's you to decide.
I mean if you know the problem then you'll find the solution
albeit it's taking so much of your time
Fight with your dilemma and never give up!
and up until now I can still keep smiling...
until i can see lights at the end of tunnel..
Sigh...

Ray of Hope...

I have never done this before. 4x meeting with my supervisors. Well frankly speaking you can’t set any appointment until you have something to present or something to talk about. At least some output from your reading or experiments. And meeting them made you shaking a bit! I am not local people and please note that English is not my first language. :D Alhamdulillah so far I manage to control everything and indeed improved my communication skills as well. Hectic week but a good progress! I strived to do the programming! The language of the exploration!

It happened! The dictatorship leader of Hosni Mubaraq should step down! This is requested by millions of Egyptian people. What will happen next? Do we want this to happen in our country? Do riots solve the problem since diplomacy unable to be used as a rationale platform? Or there is no diplomacy at all in Egypt? Wondering… and baffled! And now he did!!!

It’s a journey of life especially when you live abroad. I have been living my life in United Kingdom since 2006. I went back home for a while in 2008 and now return back to pursue my study. The journey that I have been through is not easy at all. Living abroad with differences of culture, ethnicity or background made me learnt to tolerate and to be sensible! When I was in London, I stayed in student accommodation. This incident still stood there on my mind! I was cooking anchovies and you Malaysian should know how it smells right? My flat mates (a British guy) suddenly pop up to the kitchen and quickly open the windows. He did ask me what’s cooking?? I said FISH (Instead of anchovies… Frankly speaking I forgot what’s “ikan bilis” in English that period of time :P so fish suddenly pop up into my mind) He said the smells was really bad! And I felt really guilty that time liked I did a really big mistake. Then again, another incident happened with the same person and at the same place. Suddenly it was a super hanyir(Fishy) in the kitchen! I just asked him what’s cooking then he replied pork with herbs! I said directly I don’t eat pork and I don’t like the smell but I can tolerate if you want to eat it. Moral values??


Now I am living in my own flat with a living room, 1 small bedroom with queen size bed, mini kitchen and quite nice toilet(Without bath tab ok) :P I would prefer to stay alone like this instead of sharing with other people. Well sometime you will need your own space. Doing PhD of course you really need your own space! Space to talk with yourself, space to think over the boundaries and space to relax! You make the mess then you clean it. There is no further argument with other people. You bear at your own cost! I loikeee!

Quick Glance

Thinking!!!!

I have a quick glance on my blog. These thoughts suddenly came out:-

Emptiness. It’s not because I don’t want to write something but too many things to catch up. It’s unfair isn’t it? Well I believe that everyone has something to do … something to ponder etc…
Sometime I wish I could just turn back time to my kids generation. It’s so lovely to seat back and relaxes and of course I don’t have to think about what to do next. I bet everything in my mind during that time is playing, eating and fun! But this ponders me again? How long am I going to be like this? (My imagination only)

Life is not so hectic. Up until now I can still see the path. I have to facing this fate as it is my choice. I should be thankful to Allah for His blessing. Not forget to mention my family and friends for your moral supports.

Marriage. I would like to Congratulate to best buddies Shena & Izwa + kak Joen & Farouk. How I wish to go back and attend your “Big Day”. I enjoy the lovely pictures and I bet you guys are really prince and princess that day! Take these responsibilities and be brave to sail away on your journey as husband and wife. I will have to wait for mine.

Emotion. It is likely steady and stable. Keep thinking over the boundary. I have been working hard I guess but I still consider it as not enough. I am not saying not to be thankful but I know I can do much better than this. I keep praying that I have enough strength and courage to go. InsyaAllah. I can still smile . A smile is an inexpensive way to change your looks (Charles Gordy)

Coldness. It’s not about lacking of affection or enthusiasm! It’s really cold in Plymouth now. It keep me on and off for quite some time! It was so lucky as no more snow and icy roads. Well I would enjoy the snow fall moments but not when it starts to melt.

Faith. Have faith in our life.